Early September 2010 Things haven't been right for quite a while now. I'm never happy and it seems like I am constantly walking around in a fog. There must be something wrong because my actions are not normal. I can not hold a job, I'm constantly worried that people are talking about me, and my marriage is constantly on the rocks. I have decided that I need to do something to help break this change. I just want to be normal.
Late September 2010 I called my doctor and she ordered a psychiatric evaluation. This we will know exactly what is going on. The place that does the psych eval got scheduled for a couple of days later. I go in and they put me in a room with two pencils, two booklets, and two answer sheets. They tell me I need to fill these out as good as I can, but not to think about the answers too much just to go with my first instinct. I start the test. It takes me about 3 hours to finish both of the test, they are very extensive. I am very anxious about the results. I hate waiting.
Mid October 2010 The therapist calls me with the test results. She tells me that I have dysthymia which is depression lasting for 2 years or longer. She suggests medication to help me with my depression. She also tells me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder with Negativistic, Anti-Social, and Dependant Characteristics. I feel so overwhelmed. I thought I was ready for a diagnosis, but now it all seems so much more real. There is no medication for Borderline, and since I don't have any insurance she refers me to a practice that offers a sliding scale fee. I immediately set up an appointment there. I start therapy right away. My therapist seems very nice, she seems like she understands me. She suggest that I attend a group therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy if I feel like that is something that would help. I tell her I am ready to try anything at this point. DBT seems to help me right away. I am able to use the skills and they seem to make life a bit more manageable.